Question of the Week: Changed Mind
Thursday, February 19, 2009
What have you changed your mind about recently? What caused you to do so?
Children... particularly how close together to have them.
I am sure most of you know that Tom and I do not make kids that easily. It took us about 4 years of aggressively seeing doctors to get Logan and we have been trying casually (unfortunately trying aggressively is darn expensive) to have another one for about 2 years now.
I have had a lot of guilt (Tom tells me almost everyday that I have an excess of guilt in my life... and it is true. I feel guilty about everything.) about not being able to have a child closer to Logan's age. I really wanted him to have a sibling close to his age to play with now... and to have a close relationship with later. I really didn't want him to be an only child for this long. Oh, the mommy guilt. It is terrible.
Something, I am not sure what, started changing my mind. I found myself being increasingly okay with the idea of not having another child right now (or 2 years ago). I started having less guilt. I started thinking about the benefits.
Obviously there are benefits for me, as a mom. Of course it is easier to take care of one child instead of two... or three. That is not what I am concerned about, or have guilt about, though. I have guilt about how it is affecting Logan.
Oh, but I have discovered (finally) that there are benefits for Logan. Logan and I have had these 3 1/2 years (and at the very least, one more) to hang out, most of the time with just each other. I can focus on him and him alone. I can take him to lots of mommy and me classes and not have to worry about not being able to bring a younger sibling. If he is sick, (as he is right now) we can stay at home and lay low without demands from anyone else. Also, when we have our next child, it will be nice that Logan will be in school and I will be able to focus on them during the day.
Of course, there are many (many, many) benefits to having children closer together. Believe me, I know them all by heart. They have been running around in my head for years. I have just finally come to terms with the fact that these are the cards that we have been dealt, and you know what, it is not a bad hand... not a bad hand at all.
That being said... 
Does anyone have a baby they don't want?
5 comments:
Oh Betsy, Do you want one of mine? After Yesterday I have 4 you can choose from! Jk of course. In case some one is reading this and thinks I am serious.
Logan is so lucky to have you and Tom!
Isn't mommy guilt awful? I think you feel it no matter what. I feel bad a lot because I can't give Ashlyn and Austin as much individual attention as they deserve...
Betsy, release the guilt and stress. You are a fantastic Mom. We cannot control everything that happens to us. No matter when Logan gets a sibling, he will be a great big brother. Closeness of siblings is not always dictated by age. I should know. I was in Kindergarten when Tiff was born. I think I was pretty happy about that. Ha, I had graduated from high school when Ben & Andy were born, well, I guess I should just stop now, I'm probably not helping you at this point :-)
Love the baby picture by the way, it reminds me of the picture of Sammy on Michael's nightstand.
I don't know mommy guilt yet but I know very well the rest of your comments. I'm glad you are being able to find peace about the guilt though. Gosh sometimes it's so hard to play the cards Heavenly Father deals us! ;)
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